The Parody of the Opera
by withoutlove
Summary: This is just your average Phantom of the Opera parody. Each chapter is of a scene from the 2004 ALW Movie. Expect randomness, poking fun at Raoul, and amusing observations from Joel, Stage Phans, Gerry Phans, and yours truly.
1. Chapter 1

**Public Auction**

_Candle glows into a sepia colored opera populaire in 1919. Zoom in on car carrying a scary old man with snazzy shoes and gloves. The color decides to switch to black and white. A younger man and woman help him into his wheelchair. They go up the ramp, and we get to see the ugliest hat ever created on nurse woman._

Auctioneer: Lot 664. Three creepy skills and a gun! Takers?

_Madame Giry and Raoul stare at each other. Madame Giry is competing for the ugliest hat ever created._

Auctioneer: Lot 665. Another creepy item. Demented monkey that plays the cymbals. We would like to get rid of it as soon as possible.

_Madame Giry and Oldtimer le Fop finally pay attention._

Auctioneer: Fifteen francs?

Madame Giry _looks with distain as auctioneer just called her Madame 'Jeery'_: 25!

_Raoul's mouth is wide open. This is obviously code to nurse woman. _

Ugly Hat Nurse: 30!

Auctioneer thinks: _wtf, why are they bidding on this scary ass thing? Oh well!_: 35 francs? .. Madame Jeery. Please? PLEASE? Okay fine, sold to the Vicomte de Fop. Thankie! Now I can buy me some booze.

_Raoul holds monkey box of death._

Monkey: -stares-

Raoul: Will you still play when all the rest of us are dead?

Monkey: Will do! -creepy smile-

Auctioneer: Lot 666. Aren't we clever giving the chandelier the number of the devil? Tee hee. Ya'll might r'member the Phantom of the Opera? Well he was all I KEEL YOU and then the chandelier was all I CRASH AND BURN ON YOU but we fixed it up because we thought ya'll might like to buy the chandelier of doom. glances about

Raoul: Ah crap ..

_Everyone turns toward the direction of the chandelier. The covering is pulled off, and everyone is startled by the very loud organ music. It's like back to the future, all over again._


	2. Chapter 2

**Overture**

**We are now in a time machine. The opera populaire is covered with gaudy naked gold bodies. The coloring is very red. Somehow reminds of the Gryffindor colors. But alas, that is a different fandom. We are set back in Paris 1870, which doesn't make any sense since the Paris Opera wasn't completed until 1875. This is the least of out troubles. This is the beginning of a VERY interesting movie.**

Andre and Firmin arrive at the opera house. Many people are busy backstage. Buquet peeks at the ballet dancers. And we get our first glance of Christine and Meg. Who is that woman with the white horse and carriage?

Carlotta:- sings like crap -

The Hannibal rehearsal begins. Loving the Gryffindor colored costumes.

**New Owners and Patron (Hannibal)**

Cut to: Raoul is gaily riding carriage to the Opera House

Chicken 1: That's a _very_ pretty woman driving that carriage!

Chicken 2: Her hair is to DIE for!

Raoul fans: HEY!

Erik phans: They're right, you know.

Raoul fans -_sigh-_: We know..

Raoul starts walking, meets up with Andre and Firimin

Piangi: -sings-

Mini Midget Piangi: -is hilarious-

Lefevre: ATTENTION EVERYONE! I'm retiring. W00T! Here's Andre and Firmin .. they made it big in the junk biz

Andre: SCRAP METAL!

Firimin: Here's our new patron! The Vicomte de Fop!

Christine: We used to play together. And whatnot.

Meg: He's very pretty.

Raoul: I'll come later for your crap performance. I'm outie!

Raoul's Hair: -is full of vibe and flounce-

Carlotta: He lovah me. He lovah me lovah me lovah me!

Christine: -emo-

Andre and Firmin: -stare at ballet girls-

Andre: Who's the average blond chick with the big boobs?

Mme Giry: MY DOTTAIR!

Firmin: Who's the pretty chick with no boobs?

Mme Giry: LAIK MY DOTTAIR!

Andre: whips chains around his neck We can use these later, eh Firmin, darling?

withoutlove: NO SLASH. NO SLASH IN MY STORY!

Firmin: -pouts-

Andre and Firmin: -resume staring at ballet girls-

Carlotta: YOU TWO. AH STARING AT THE YOUNG DANCERS? YOU-AH PERVERTS! I WILL NOT BE SINGING!

Joel Schumacher: Thank God.

withoutlove: Joel .. that's part of the script. And that's not even her real voice ..

Joel: **Damn.**


	3. Chapter 3

**THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR REVIEWS AND YOUR SUPPORT.** This chapter is a bit rushed, school is coming up soon, so don't expect quality stuff. Hell, none of this is parody is quality stuff.

**Think of Me (I); Opera Ghost**

Carlotta: Get my doggeh, bring mah doggeh, bye bye!

Managers: Uh.

Lefevre: SUCK UP!

Managers: -suck up with horrible french accents-

Catlotta: I ATE MY HAT!

withoutlove: Quite tasty, was it?

Calotta death glare: You a-makin' fun oph mah accent?

withoutlove: No, I just find the way you speak amusing.

Catlotta: Oh, that's-a okeh dokeh den! You're-a a good child-ah.

withoutlove: -grumblewhyIoughttagrumble-

Firmin: Just sing another song for us.

Carlotta: Fine-ah. I shall'ah singah for you if you'ah command-ah! Reyer?

Reyer: If my diva commands!

withoutlove: I love sarcastic guys.

Reyer: -winks-

Carlotta: EBRY BODIE SHUT UP. PSH PSH! MAESTRO! PSH PSH.

_Carlotta sucks. Bad. I won't type it all out .. uh .. Okay fine:_

THINKaHhHhH MeEeEeE

THiNKAHhHh MeEe FONDLEEEEEEEEE!

Phans: I think you can stop now

withoutlove: thought so

Phantom: screw this!

Backdrop: SCREW YOU CARLOTTA Carlotta: -is hurt and is crying like a baby-

Phans: HAHAHAHAA.

Andre: Signora, these things do happen .. -coy shrug of shoulders-

Carlotta: THESE TINGS DO 'APPEN? FUCK-AH DIS. UNTIL YOU STOPAH DEEZE TINGS. I NO-AH SING!

Managers: -are royally screwed-

withoutlove: Noah? Like, with the ark and the flooding and the Bible?

Carlotta: -glares-

Lefevre: I am a coward, I hope the Phantom doesn't keel everybody, catch me down under!

Mme. Giry: - appears out of nowhere-YO. I GOT A MESSAGE FROM THE OPERA GHOST!

Firmin: God in heaven, you're all obsessed.

Phans & withoutlove: Hell yes we are.

Mme. Giry: He welcomes you to his crib.

Firmin: HIS OPERA HOUSE?

Mme. Giry: No boddies in box 5, and his cash is due.

Firmin: HIS SALARY?

Mme. Giry: Are you deaf, or do you have a medical problem where you repeat everything I say? -does Valley Girl hair toss with her braid-

Firmin: 20,000 FRANCS?

Mme. Giry: You could pay more, with Mr. Girly Man as your patron. -smirk-


End file.
